Archive for the category ‘Self-help‘

 
 

The mindfulness of corruption

According to Transparency International, Cambodia ranks 154th out of 178 on the Corruption Perceptions Index.  Having lived here for a while, I hardly need Transparency International to tell me that this is one of the most corrupt countries in the world.

One thing that we need to understand about corruption is that it is a major cause of poverty and a barrier to overcoming it.  So, it shouldn’t be surprising that the poorest countries in the world are also the most corrupt. Corruption fosters ill-will and resentment and is a major obstacle to social harmony.

Another thing about corruption is that it is easy to blame others who we see as “corrupt,” but it is not so easy to see how our own actions and behaviors contribute to the corrupt system. Okay, so maybe you don’t drive a Rolls Royce or live in a huge mansion while your countrymen are rummaging through garbage for food.  You’re not corrupt, right? Wrong.  That live-in maid you hired for $50 a month would not be working for such menial pay if she was not so poor and desperate.  Corruption promotes poverty and cheap labor.  Even when we don’t see ourselves as “corrupt,” we still benefit  from corruption when we enjoy luxuries associated with social and economic exploitation.

Perhaps it helps to consider the broader definition of corruption. To be “corrupt” means to lack integrity or wholesomeness.  So any action that lacks wholesomeness and integrity can be said to be corrupt.  So, one does not need to accept bribery or steal public funds to be corrupt. We have to realize that no one is immune to corruption as long as we live in a system that is corrupt.  Further, no country is absolutely free of corruption.  You might be surprised to learn that the United States ranks only 22nd on the Corruption Perceptions Index.  Rather than pointing fingers at others, it is more productive to be mindful of our own actions, to understand how they play into the system, and hopefully to adjust them so as to mitigate their harmful impacts.

No one can be perfect. Sometimes, it may not be possible to avoid contributing to corruption without being a social outcast.  As long as we do our parts to monitor our own actions and to do the things that will lead to good will, mutual prosperity, and social harmony, that is the best we can do.  Corruption will eventually go away on its own.

Of course, it’s always good to have laws against corruption, but if no one follows them, what good are the laws?  Cambodia is not corrupt because of the lack of anti-corruption laws, but because of the lack of respect for the laws. Ethics is just important as legislation. The development of good moral and social ethics is key to respect for the law, and thereby, the rule of law.

The worst way to deal with corruption, I believe, is to point fingers at those who we perceive as “corrupt”  and deny our own roles in the corrupt system and our responsibility in overcoming it.  It takes a conscious and concerted effort by everyone in society to defeat corruption.  Obviously, if you’re at the very bottom rung of the social ladder, you have very little social, political, and economic clout– there is not a whole lot you can do to end corruption.  However, it is always a good idea to maintain a healthy and positive attitude and to focus on the things that will lead to personal prosperity and social harmony.  If you choose to become bitter and resentful, on the other hand, you’re really empowering corruption and thereby contributing to it.

Personally, I don’t care what others have or don’t have and focus on my own life.  I try to keep inventory of my actions and to identify which ones are positive and which one are negative.  While it’s not possible to avoid negative, harmful actions altogether, it’s good practice to keep tab of them.  Just like balancing a check book, this helps me stay in the positive and not slip into the red. While it may not be possible to take the world upon our shoulders, it shouldn’t be that hard to balance a checkbook.


Help yourself, help others

Is it possible to be generous to a fault?

I think so.

Throughout my life I’ve helped a lot of people. Yet, of all these people I could recall no more than three or four  who successfully had been helped by me. Actually, I can’t take credit for these three or four people at all because, in retrospect, I did not do very much to help them. I simply provided a spark and they did all the work for themselves.

It’s really not possible to help an able-bodied person who is unwilling to help himself. To be sure, there are those who cannot help themselves and legitimately need the help of others. These include infants, children, the disabled, and the elderly. These people belong in a different category; I’ll limit this discussion to those people who can walk, talk and use their heads and hands like the rest of us.

As the saying goes, you must help yourself before helping others. In fact, helping oneself is the first step to helping others because being self-sufficient means you won’t be a burden to others, including (and especially) your loved ones. If everyone is willing and able to help himself or herself, then no one should be dependent upon others. So, focus on pulling your own weight.  If you can pull your own weight, you’ve already done your part.

What happens when you try to help someone who is unwilling to help himself? He becomes lazy and dependent. He does not bother to develop the necessary skills and personal qualities to make it on his own. You are creating an artificial disability in an otherwise able-bodied person, eventually enslaving yourself to his dependency and ill-conceived sense of entitlement. However well-intentioned you may be, this is not helping at all.

What does it mean to help yourself? Helping yourself means getting an education, securing a good job, taking advantage of opportunities, and providing for your family. It also means taking good care of your health, planning ahead, and constantly doing “what if” exercises in your head so that you do not become a burden to others in the future.

What does it mean to take advantage of an opportunity? Here in Cambodia there are so many people in desperate situations because they do not have the opportunities to improve their lives.  If you offer assistance to ten needy people, maybe one or two of them will take advantage of the opportunity you give them in a healthy and constructive way.  The rest will try to take advantage of you!  To get to the one or two worthy people, you may have to deal with a lot of leeches and parasites along the way.  This is true of people in any country, not just Cambodia. A person who is really serious about helping himself will  take advantage of the opportunity he gets, not the people who give it to him.

If the first step to helping others is to help oneself, I think the next step is to avoid hurting others while helping oneself. Actually, these really aren’t steps to be followed in chronological succession; they are to be carried out simultaneously. Some folks end up with huge fortunes after making a life of unfair and exploitative business practices. One day they wake up and decide to give much of their wealth to charity. Although giving to charity is better than not giving, all the donations they “give back to the community” may not be enough to compensate for the sufferings they’ve caused along the way. So, it’s better to be mindful of one’s actions (so as not to hurt others) than to mindlessly gain at others’ expenses and give back after all the destruction has been wreaked.


Mindful anger management

Anger is a conditioned response to a perceived threat to the ego.  It is a complex experience that combines unpleasant physical symptoms with upsetting memories, personal assumptions, deeply held beliefs, prejudices, and other characteristics of the ego.  Often when we are angry, all that we are aware of is our angry mood, which may range from mild irritation to intense rage.  When we look for the causes of our anger, we usually direct our attention to the outside world, to people or events that we perceive to be threatening our ego.  In reality, internal factors play as large a role in our capacity to control the destructive emotion.  Once we understand how to deal with the anger inside of us, we are in a better position to deal the causes and conditions from the outside world.

People differ widely in their ability to tolerate frustration. We all get angry from time to time. Our surroundings, associations, occupations, and other external factors all play a role in how often we get angry.  Anger does not make us evil; it makes us human. Nonetheless, it is important to understand that anger is a destructive emotion that compromises our ability to handle heated situations effectively and to find a long-term solution to combative atmosphere.

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